One of the prenatal yoga poses I've been practicing includes the meditation, "I honor the life I carry within." This has been a really helpful way for me to think about baby on the days when I struggle with the fact that I'll be a parent shortly. The phrase flipped a switch in my mind, my heart and my guts - I felt the change in me viscerally. Whatever else my plans may have been I now carry this life within me and I honor it - her, him.
But honoring allows a kind of distance that mothering challenges. It's not enough, even while upholding that it is a lot, to honor this child. I also want to love her or him. For me, that choice to love begins with relinquishing my timing for my plans, parts of my identity, some of my boundaries, some of my requirements. Independent becomes depended upon and interdependent with. Geek girl stretches to include nurturer.
I have to forgive the accident of conception.
I have to loosen my grip on my plans for me. Perhaps another path may emerge but I certainly won't see it if I'm still focused on the old one.
I want another path to emerge that includes all of my new family.
Quote taken from the Om Meditation in The Prenatal Yoga Deck.
You can learn more about the deck on Amazon with the added benefit of user reviews:
http://www.amazon.com/Prenatal-Yoga-Deck-Poses-Meditations/dp/0811836525.
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