little reminders

 

ex·quis·ite

   [ik-skwiz-it, ek-skwi-zit]  Show IPA

adjective

1.

of special beauty or charm, or rare and appealing excellence, as a face, a flower, coloring, music, or poetry.

2.

extraordinarily fine or admirable; consummate: exquisite weather.

3.

intense; acute, or keen, as pleasure or pain.

4.

of rare excellence of production or execution, as works of art or workmanship: the exquisite statues of the Renaissance.

5.

keenly or delicately sensitive or responsive: an exquisite ear for music; an exquisite sensibility.

17 Days of ZING!

The 17 Days of Zing! is a bright-hearted spiritual challenge prompted by Goddess Leonie of GoddessGuidebook.com. We started on November 1 making today day 12 of the challenge. It's a commitment to practice a so hum meditation for 5, 10, or 20 minutes each day of the challenge. The meditation is simple ~ breathe in so exhale hum ~ and surprisingly effective for calming body and mind. (The so hum is said in your mind.)

cheering reminder

Simple, effective, and exactly the kind of thing I need... thus exactly the thing I'll avoid, forget, delay... until so many days have passed I quit. So I posted the image from challenge on my desktop where it's zinging its call to zen up at me 8 hours a day 5 days a week. The 5 hardest days. And it's working.

For months (all year?) I've been trying to establish a daily practice of silence or meditation. Instead, I've developed an addiction to hulu... or checking email & facebook & folding laundry & surfing headlines & catching up with Colbert & Stewart... an addiction to distraction. Why? What am I avoiding? How is it I have time for all the mental junkfood but I don't have 10 minutes to sit still & silent? It's actually good for me. The 17 Days of Zing! appeared as a doable commitment in good company. I took the challenge.

I started at 5 minutes and quickly moved on to 10. Yikes! The first 10 minute session I did was a plummet into cruddy stuff. Oh, this is why I don't do this. I'm, like, totally convinced that the world is a terrifying dangerous place and you should settle for less lest you draw attention to yourself and call down destruction upon yourself and your loved ones. (Long story short.) I don't know where all that crud came from but I do know that I've used it as my compass for too many decisions. I'm rousting it out. I'm choosing, planting, tending something new.

I went back to the 5 minute version for a couple days until I regained my balance. Then back up to 10. And it's good. Last night I actually experienced the my-body-is-made-of-jello depth of relaxation that some of the other women have reported. My mind isn't relaxing. I just keep bringing it back into the gentle syllables so hum. Other cranky worrying words rush in to any pause - which is teaching me to do the meditation in a steady gentle flow of one word sohumsohumsohum. Letting my mind drift on so hum, like a feather drifts through the air to the ground. (We're going to need another 17 days or so.)

Radiant Living day 18 of 21

I'm still with it! And I've adapted it to be more live-able for me. This current version is something I'd like to maintain for at least another 21 days.

The diet was... not working. :) I felt drained and sluggish much of the first full week. I tried to manage it but then my tummy got all puffed up and I swear there was a compost heap overwhelming my poor belly. So! We made some changes.

First, I added back eggs (& turkey bacon but it's not what you think!). Then some fish and even a little chicken. Typically I feel best when I eat these proteins & veggies. So I'm holding onto my progress with my behavioral/addictive foods: caffeine, chocolate, & sugar, as well as the irritants: gluten & dairy, but letting go of dietary purity. (In case it's not obvious - no alcohol on this plan either.)

It felt a little bit like failure to make this decision. But, completing the diet for its own sake wasn't my goal. I wanted a wholistic approach. A lighter diet, yes, and addressing some toxic habits (like coping with my feelings via food) and integrating some positive practices (like meditation & grounding). And that's what I'm doing. That's changing and releasing me.

the cover of my goddess circle binder

I'm giving myself permission to practice & play with meditation and it's working! I'm adding it into my morning routine with N, or I'll listen to a meditation while walking to work, or while stretching. It's a relief and an opening for meditation to be not just cross legged silence. I still aspire to that stillness but it's sincerely not where I am today. That's ok.

Movement is going great. Yoga is a blessing to my body & mind. My boss said to me today, "I think your yoga is working for you. You should do it more.... When you're happy, I'm happy." I appreciate that he noticed a change in me.

Choosing 3 MIT (Most Important Task) is another useful new practice for me. I'm easily swept up into the most urgent task or the most entertaining/distracting task... but most important can fall behind unless I name it and plan for it early.

Divine Day planner page & my journal

There are some important things from this class that I haven't kept up with and I'd like to dig into them as I continue beyond the initial 21 days. I've fallen behind on watching course videos even though they're brief and I actually really enjoy them. Goddes Leonie and Goddess Sone are heartfelt, informed, enthusiastic, funny, pragmatic guides for this transformation process. The videos convey info - but they also convey connection and encouragement. (And I totally didn't expect to like the videos cuz I usually don't but... these gals got it!)

There have also been some great journal prompts, and the recommendation for a nightly gratitude journal that I haven't been doing but would like to try to weave into my up-too-late evenings. I think journalling followed by more focused meditation are the two most important things for my second set of 21 days. If all goes well... some of that good stuff will also show up here for you, dear reader.

Radiant Living day 5 of 21

I think the de-tox phase of this program has started for me. Today I carried a heavy headache, sore muscles, tiredness... and other unpleasantness. And oh are my food addictions singing my name - so sweetly. I Want Sugar Now.

Still, I'm staying with the program. There's some inner core feeling of goodness and lightness. Some unfamiliar reservoir of me-ness whose attention has been caught and held by this process. And she says that the symptoms will pass, she's indifferent to them, she wants to see what's next.

I did my yoga outside in the yard behind our building while my guys slept. And remained there to do the Radiant meditations.

The meditation part of this program has been very challenging for me but it's one of the primary reasons I wanted to do this rather than just follow a cleansing diet out of a library book. I'm struggling to sit still, to still my mind these days. Moving helps a lot. My mind can settle when I'm moving through familiar yoga poses. But to sit and immerse myself in silence or even a guided meditation is really difficult.

I made meditation one of my priorities for today and am pleased both that I did it and with the experience of it. Yes, my mind wandered. And, yes, I brought it back to meditation. I especially love the Radiant Goddess Affirmation. Phrases of from it return to me throughout the day.

Nutrition is going surprisingly well! I'm surprised that I haven't leapt off of the wagon into a rolling field of chocolate bars and rivers of ice cream sundaes. L said to me today, "You get credit for staying with this eating plan and also give yourself credit for the food preparation. That's a lot of effort!" It felt good to have him notice the work I'm doing and encourage me to value it all.

Potato Salad adapted from the Radiant recipes - potatoes & lots of diced veggies, hummus, a quick drizzle of sesame oil, salt & pepper.

Lentil Soup - a combination of two Radiant recipes. L had some yesterday and said it's one of the best soups he's had. Of course, he also added hot sauce to his...

My nightly treat - raspberries, brown rice, an apple (all warmed together), cinnamon, soy milk, quick drizzle of honey or maple syrup, chopped nuts, & chia seeds.

Radiant Goddess vision board posted up next to my bed.
This is my direction.
Strength. Joy. Praise. Clarity. Peace. Beauty.
& a Love note.

gratitude

Today, I am thankful

~ for the evaluator we met today who saw past N's wall of sensory issues and glimpsed the bright funny kid who wants to come out and play;

~ for a husband who supports & encourages me on both practical things (like this Radiant diet) and intangibles (like letting me be tense/anxious & letting me get over it);

~ for an employer who allows me the flexibility to take a day off with no notice so that I can accept a last minute appointment for N;

~ for cooler days and blue jeans and homemade soup;

~ for kiddo's paintings decorating our apartment, illustrating his story in his own hand;

~ for Goddess Leonie, her Radiant recipes, affirmations, ideas, prolific work, gracious hosting of our online circle, and for the loving folks who support & love her;

~ for my son & for my husband who fill our home with love.

Radiant Living day 1 of 21

I'm happy with a solid beginning to the Radiant Goddess e-course.

I stocked my cubicle pantry with radiant foods from the course recipe book,

enjoyed a huge bowl of oat-less oatmeal
(bananas, pecans, coconut, chia* seeds...
I added a splash of soy milk and some cinnamon),
and even replaced my second (mega) cup of coffee with green tea!

*Ch-ch-ch-chia!

Yes, that chia. The seeds are super good for you.

And this afternoon I...
~ got the course meditations onto my iPhone for portable enlightenment,
~ started filling out my Divine Day planner (so handy & encouraging!),
~ did yoga on my lunch break,
~ listened to the Radiant Goddess Affirmation.

I think I'm going to enjoy this good work.

release & renewal

Today is my birthday.
We celebrated throughout the long weekend with simple pleasures I love,
like these gorgeous flowers,

and some time to myself (a simple yet rare pleasure).

This year, my birthday signifies a fresh start. I'm lugging around a lot of disappointment and frustration for too long. This birthday marks choice & cleansing, release & renewal.
I've got some great resources to help me do it:

Goddess Circle - specifically the Radiant Goddess course that starts tomorrow. It involves a nutrition plan (no gluten, no refined sugar, lots of fresh raw goodies and, well, less coffee for me), meditation & grounding, moving your body, and a group of bright heartfelt women to share the work & wonder of it. Goddess Circle more broadly is a place where I'm finding women I share some resonance with and that's another gift for this journey.

Releasing the Disappointments and Frustrations (a.k.a. the Evil Stupids) - I think of each new moon as a time for planting something and the full moon as a time for release. So, a the next new moon (9/8) I'm planting the notion of clean ~ my body, heart, & spirit. In the next couple of week I'll practice naming the Evil Stupids that I want to shed. At the full moon (9/23) I'll mark the release with a simple ritual and celebrate the work of renewal. It's symbolic, yes, but it also nudges along a necessary mindfulness.

Depression Treatment - we're changing my meds for the first time in nearly 3 years. I'm dreading withdrawal but hopeful of stepping out from the white noise and clinging heaviness. And I've got a referral for a therapist and some other resources.

Already Done - I've been to the dentist for the first time in 5 years with my first real filling coming up on 9/8; I just had my annual physical; I'm capturing N's accomplishments in my journal; I've been doing yoga pretty consistently during my lunch break; I'm remembering & receiving folks who take me as is.

There's so much more I want to be doing - photography course, job change, cooking, studying "the spectrum," participate in a real life community...

and this is a pretty gorgeous start.

Goddess Circle over at Goddess Guidebook

I've been so looking forward to this! The Goddess Circle over at Goddess Guidebook started today.

I've been looking for a spirituality and daily living community to participate with but juggling family time (since L works 4 nights a week) and relying on public transportation and needing childcare - the options are slim. I started wondering about an online community... I already frequent Goddess Guidebook and I love her 2010 Workbook. I return to it regularly to stay on (or return to) the goals & values I set for myself earlier in the year. I add pages to it: meditations, recipes, yoga poses, holiday celebrations... so when Goddess Leonie shared her vision of the Goddess Circle it felt like she was speaking to me.

I encourage you to go take a peek at what is being offered there and see what it's about. And please check in here from time to time over the year and hear about what this unique place comes to mean in my life. So far, I'm enjoying meeting the other women in the Circle and exploring a constellation of smaller circles within it - forming around classes she hosts or simply common themes in our lives such as mothering or working towards goals.

I'm grateful to have found something that fits my immediate life. I'm grateful to have committed to remember myself and to replenish myself. I'm posting this here to say that I am participating in this community, beyond the initial sign up and downloads. Beginnings are so promising. Middles... I invite you to ask me about it and hold me to my commitments.