God is the madwoman in the attic.
I'm camped out on the threshold with my journal, camera, and plenty of snacks.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

speaking to you

Where do you go, or what do you do, when too much is speaking at you but not much is speaking to you?

This feeling has rendered me somewhat adrift. I think the answer, for me right now, is to choose something and root into it for a while. It's tempting to just blame my environment. But I think this problem resides inside of me.

It's going to be some work. Like returning to a practice of Nothing.

Then there was something that caught my attention in the message the Pastor J gave this morning. She compared two stories - one from Numbers and the other from Mark - that were both about the Spirit of God empowering folks who were outside of the group. Pastor J used the story to examine the relationship between our congregation and others in our area. We're all doing good work in this community, even with (or through?) our different identities.

But the whole time I was feeling like, "That's me. I'm not really part of a group. I don't wholly identify with one and none wholly claims me. But there's something I've been given. Something to share."

Maybe everyone feels that way. Maybe everyone in the room this morning took that message into her or his own heart and knew, "This means me."

Now what... I might look up the passages they read at church this morning. Mull on them while. But more than that, if there is something empowered in me, I want to know that something and believe it in my daily life. That requires listening to me, listening for the Divine. And I think that brings me back to the practice of Nothing.

I was sort of hoping for something easier... what about you?

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