God is the madwoman in the attic.
I'm camped out on the threshold with my journal, camera, and plenty of snacks.

Friday, October 02, 2009

yarnin' (the truth)

I'm struggling to sit still with the chatter in my head these days. One night this week I stayed up late to watch a Netflix disk and something about the cooler weather reminded me of my yarnin.' (my husband's word for crochet) I hauled it out from the cupboard... ahhhhh.

I recalled the earliest months of my pregnancy. I was so angry and sad; convinced that my life was over because of a child I had planned to never have. But he was on his way. I had to prepare myself and our life for him.

In those days, I adopted a practice of yarnin' every morning for about fifteen minutes. It calmed my nerves. The chatter in my mind just rushed by. After weeks of this practice, the chatter hushed. I stilled. I could sit still. The boy was born to a half-yarned baby blanket that got completed draped around him while he nursed.

There's new chatter rushing through me now. New fears and regrets (rage?) that draw me away from the practice of Nothing and into the decadence of distraction. Last night I sat with my yarnin' for fifteen minutes of Nothing. The yarn slipped and tugged along. The chatter rushed past in a downpour. ahhhhh.

I'm not ready for questions and answers right now. I'm still preparing a place for that. And I'm grateful to be doing this in the cool dark months that are best for the weight and warmth of (lots & lots of) yarn.

Truth is the second ingredient in:

The Joy Diet
is the book we're currently reading in The Next Chapter, a book blogging group hosted by Jamie Ridler Studios.

You are always welcome to participate.


Jeanette said...

I got so hung up on this week. I'm finding this harder than I expected.

Lisa said...

Good for you for setting your own pace and allowing the journey to unfold organically. I wish so much that I knew how to knit. I think I may need to learn... :)

Ellecubed said...

Thank you for sharing your journey. I think it is great that you are acknowledging your own needs and taking this slowly.

Lucy Ladham-Dyment said...

Thanks for sharing.