God is the madwoman in the attic.
I'm camped out on the threshold with my journal, camera, and plenty of snacks.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

held gingerly and with light

The cover of clouds came down on Seattle.  It took out the light and it took me out with it.  My therapist is calling it seasonal depression.  She's nudging me to call the psychiatrist to get my meds updated for these dark months.

I've already added a happy light and a multivitamin (for the Vitamin D).  Yoga helps.  Being near Little N helps; the cold weather has a vitalizing affect on him!  Going slowly helps me.  Treating my body gently, like I have the flu.  Simple easy comforts like Christmas lights and hot soup.  Lists, so that I know what to do when I don't know what to do.  All these little things help.

I carry myself, my mind, body, and emotions, so gingerly right now.  I'm a cup filled to the brim with sadness and one more drop, one startling piece of news, someone else's grief or my own mere disappointment, it will spill over and make a mess.  I am a tender baby bird, desperate for the nurturing and nutrients of the nest, held in clumsy hands.  I'm one distraction away from a trip down the rabbit hole.  My metaphors are mixed but my meaning is clear.

I love this photo from a couple years ago.  Turning toward the winterlights.  Every place you find them.

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