Sunday evening's Samhain ritual included a guided meditation through an experience of death and rebirth. In the meditation we recalled the great loves and delights of our lives as well as our offenses and mistakes. We were led to know them and then release them. The words are flat on the page here but within ritual the experience was vivid and visceral.
When the meditation ended I had a clear directive, Go forth in Joy! Four days later and the message remains.
My current program of reinvention stems from an uncomfortable convergence of two opposing (yet equally crummy) beliefs about myself. One, I am too old, my life and my choices have already expired before I reached for them. Two, I am too young, lacking the experience and authority to speak and to act with confidence. But these are arbitrary judgments based in - fear? desire? (a list of things too long for a blog post?).
When we laid down our memories in the meditation we also released what they meant to us. We released the praise and the criticism. All the judgements disintegrated. Nothing remained. Then we were invited to begin anew. Go forth in Joy!
Maybe my best years are before me. Years of marriage and mothering, of writing, friendship, spirit and confidence. Maybe those years are already within me and all around me in this very moment, right now. I enter these bright new years and they find their expression in me when I go forth in Joy!