That's what antidepressants, vitamin D, and a happy light do for my mind and emotions.
The difference is significant, especially for my relationship with Little N. Instead of sitting on the couch or along the wall at the park carrying myself gently as if I have the flu, now I'm down on the floor with him. Playing with him. Proposing things to do. Wrestling. Tossing a ball or pillows or bean bags. Bringing out the puzzles and games. Keeping Little N engaged, active, and learning requires some participation from me. Now I have the tools to be the mom I want to be, all year round.
|jumping on the bed|
But it's not all or only about Little N. The deficits of depression impact all aspects of my life - my marriage, physical health, conversations, job, interests, memory, even the way my body feels. It's the difference between going out for a family adventure or staying in, day after day. It's coming up with some seasonal traditions to celebrate and enjoy with Little N, or letting the day tick by, mundane. It means doing yoga or reading or sending holiday cards or making a playdate... or any of the things that make anyone's life connected to other people, interesting, positive, healthy, productive, good company, fulfilling, and worth the resources and relationships that make us alive human beings with good days and bad days and lots in between.