travelogue

I'm more aware of and involved in pregnancy than I am of the infant and motherhood ahead. L talks about his year in Antarctica and how he experienced everything about that year, he wanted to, even the bad stuff. It reminds me of travel writing and the attention to smells, food, sense of time, clothing, color, new friends, lonliness, homesickness, exhaustion, inconveniences, epiphanies, personal transformation, synchronicity.

I try to think about our first months with the baby that way. It makes motherhood feel more interesting and possible. I'm supposed to feel clumsy and overwhelmed and impressed and engrossed... it's a place I've never been before. And it will become home. Our lives won't be the same in the new place. I still can't picture what that will be (or what expectations I'm hoarding in the wrinkles of my brain). But I'm feeling better, tonight, about settling someplace foreign to me.