remembering

In the midst of all this change I'm happy to see some of the best of my past resurging in my life. Regular trips to the library - immersing myself in new topics. Walking to a water's edge to think or write or stroll or chat. Walking every place that is a part of my daily life. Minimal time commitments that take me away from home. Reading. Writing.

It sounds like a tiny little life. It is. What I like about it is the immediacy of the things that matter most to me. In the past, the tiny life fostered rich friendships, inklings of short stories or articles or art, hope (if not faith), letter writing, cooking, healing (if not forgiveness).

Yet, the last time my life got this small it was too small. I cracked the shell and moved into the city. There I went out after work, volunteered, dated, took classes. Some day I will want the wider life again.

The good life, for me, is some dynamic of both the tiny world and the broader one. I want the anchoring, the meaning and revitalization of the small life in relationship with the social reach, the diverse and stimulating environ of the wider life. I want significance and an exchange of influence within and beyond my personal circle. I still have my own dreams, alongside mothering, and I want to be part of good changes in the world.

Can you bring a baby into that wider world? I guess that's what parenting is. I expect that before long my cocoon will feel more like a cage (or a grave). But today I welcome its snug support, sheltering, the nurturing within it.