evidence

I jot down in my journal as many little successes as I can notice in my new life with Baby N. I capture little things like learning to trim his finger nails (which need trimming every couple days!) and big things like taking him to the doctor by myself in a taxi. I am collecting evidence that I can do this mothering thing.

The proof is there for the rough days when it feels like I'm doing everything wrong & nothing will please him. That's when I need reminding that I can do this and I have done it. And the proof is there just to recognize and celebrate this gradual development of a new phase of life.

It doesn't have to make a lot of sense right now. Maybe later, when I look back over these pages & I look back over these months (years?), some significance will take shape that is only a little zygote of meaning or presence today.