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I've been offered my old job back, basically, with a few changes and a raise. Plus L has been eager to return to school to get his programming skills current and seek work in that arena. His job has been killing his spirit. So, L is coming home to be a Stay at Home Dad and I'm heading out as the Family Breadwinner. (Imagine if we actually were paid in bread?)

In some ways it feels like a loss. I find myself holding Baby N more. Keeping him in my arms when he's asleep even though I could put him down and go get something done. I will miss him all the time. There will be times when returning to the job feels like the biggest mistake. This is not the dream-job and whatever that job may be it feels further away from me now. I scan Craigslist for alternatives but.... It's easier to face the devil I know. And I do have friends there.

In some ways it feels like a fresh start. I got pregnant shortly after starting this job and that shaped my experience of it. I feel somehow more independent or less vulnerable heading back to the office. There's a separateness about it that appeals to me right now (as I type this one-handed with the baby asleep against my chest) ; a shifting between independent woman and interdependent family. And I certainly have a purpose to call upon on the bad days -- I am doing this for my family.