Sunday night

Struck by a rare burst of energy, I scoured the apartment for toys that Little N doesn't play with anymore.  I packed them all up, along with his toddler chair and his red tricycle, and L carted it all away to the Goodwill.  Everything is still in great shape, so I'm optimistic that they will find new homes with other little children this holiday season.

um, yeah, he rode with it all that way.

Little N was a very big boy about all this.  He said good-bye to his chair and good-bye to the tricycle.  L and I were a little nervous about these two items.  They've been special to Little N for a long as he can remember.  So we tried to make it a special evening celebrating what a big boy thing he'd done letting these prize possessions go away.  I baked up his favorite style of pizza - plenty of sauce - and L brought home some new toys in "trade" for what had been relinquished.

Kiddo is pretty happy with the exchange.  

And while he plays with his new prize, I'm scribbling away on holiday cards.   Last year I discovered my favorite cards to receive are the ones with photos of the folks sending them.  So that's what we did this year.  If I have your address - start watching your mail for our smiling faces!  

This year, wading through this heavy mood and a heightened sense of the darkness, I'm especially grateful for the holidays that mark this season.  I feel, somehow, un-civilized, un-cultured, by the weight the darkness has laid on me, as if some primal hunger for light is just howling inside of me.  I have such sympathy for those people, individuals and communities, who wrestled with making sense of these days.   I'm grateful for all the little lights and all the different reasons we've reached for lighting them.