God is the madwoman in the attic.
I'm camped out on the threshold with my journal, camera, and plenty of snacks.

Sunday, December 08, 2013

self portrait Sunday: overwhelm

plumbing repairs throughout our apartment building have rendered some 
holes in the ceiling, layers of dust, sniffles, inconvenience and rearranged stuff in our little home.

kiddo doesn't seem to mind, and chimes right in adding his own mayhem to the mix
"Mommy, I'm an Angry Bird!"

the Christmas tree is up, a little beacon of love, light, and hope 
Little N's daddy showed up with wrapped presents to add to the festiveness
(a few more things for the workmen to navigate and coat with dust)

my table is a clutter-magnet with forms to complete, bills to pay, correspondence to reply to, documents to file or shred and general "where should this go? drop it on the table for now…" mess

which is to say I'm tired and overwhelmed and nothing is perfect or tidy or at my fingertips and everything looks like another chore to do or simply out of my control
and all these projects feel like dead ends in the labyrinth to what I really want to be doing, 
the good work that my heart would really be in, some heartfelt vocation beyond 
day-job, housework, parenting, sanity

but Little N is happy and oblivious to Mommy's drama
L and I have called a truce (again), so maybe we'll be able to talk to each other 
without it exploding into harsh voices and an upset Little N,
there's fresh coffee brewing,
and plenty of places to start in making things right in my little world and plenty to let go of.

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