Between you and me, I have a coworker that really bugs me.
Actually, there's more than one that really bugs me. And when I get bugged, I go out for a cigarette. It's as if I don't know how to be annoyed. In fact, I'm often annoyed. I'm a seething kettle of anger and annoyance. But what to do with all that emotion? How do other people just sit still with it all bubbling and toiling inside of them?
I'm lousy at feeling and dealing with anger. I'm one of those unfortunate folks who bottles it all up until it explodes in a great toxic wave of harsh words unwarranted by that tiny last straw that tipped the scales of my self control. If I'm going to quit smoking (when & in order to quit smoking) I'm going to have to learn how to be angerrry. To sit at my desk and let the annoying coworker(s) run his spiel and move along. Maybe I could move him along a little faster with a not so subtle, "I'm sorta busy right now." Or I could jot my big emotions in my little day planner, "Pissed at that so-and-so!" Or maybe a quick walk without the cigarette would do it. But ultimately I need to learn how to feel angry and move the heck on.
So far, I've got a pack of cigarettes in my top desk drawer. Just in case you-know-who drops by.