God is the madwoman in the attic.
I'm camped out on the threshold with my journal, camera, and plenty of snacks.

Friday, June 08, 2007

entering the mother country

I'm pregnant, unexpectedly I'd say, though I do know where babies come from and we're regulars there. Now we're going someplace new.

L is thrilled, supportive, planning, comforting, affectionate. I am grateful, stubborn, stunned, discouraged, pragmatic, wistful, and daring to hope.

It was two weeks from the time I did the home test and until I went to the doctor. Sitting in the waiting room it still felt so tentative, like it was happening to someone else and as if my part in this would be over soon. But I can't just hold my breath and endure. I have to engage and participate. I suppose I'll forget and remember that over and over in the coming months. And years.

I was hovering over a toilet with a plastic cup in my hand that was quickly gaining heat and weight as it filled with my pee when for just a second it was all real and exciting.

I'm pregnant.

(The image is a mask I made a few years ago for a visual literacy class. The assignment was to represent a country using no words.)

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