God is the madwoman in the attic.
I'm camped out on the threshold with my journal, camera, and plenty of snacks.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

my turn

hi friends, we're still here and my Little N is simply thriving in preschool. he delights in playing around the other children. he's comfortable in the routine and genuinely appreciates the structure of the morning. his teacher and his speech therapist seem to especially enjoy working with him. at home he's joyfully chatty, mostly in his own language but there's a little english thrown in. he also likes to read, such that he opens a book, speaks his language from a page in it, points to some of the pictures, flips ahead, repeats... until we reach "all done!" Pick up a new book and continue.

unfortunately, I'm not half so well as he is. something about these long months of figuring out what's up with kiddo kind of drained me or maybe the effort of bracing myself sort of imploded. so I started therapy and then quit therapy and then went back to therapy. we're working well together now. she practices a different method than I've tried before and I'm surprised that it works. in any case, the therapist says this is a serious depression. she asked me, "have you ever felt this badly before?" I told her, "oh, I've been worse than this." "well, you got better then and you'll get better now." (it sounded kind & reassuring when she said it.)

so I'm moving pretty slowly these days. my brain is mush, my body is heavy, the world is grey as far as the eye can see. except for Little N. he's a bright light. we went to the library this morning and for the rest of the day he would spontaneously blurt out, "bye-bye bribrary!" pretty cute. and we had a date at a coffee shop this afternoon. he was so excited to sit in a big wooden chair and watch the traffic out the shop window. chattering away in his language. a big red fire engine went by with all its lights and sirens going! it was a good date with mommy.

Little N is blooms and long searching tendrils of green. I'm dry and dusty and due for a little pruning and tending before I'll bounce back. but I always do.

1 comment:

Samantha Page said...

Hi Jenni, I haven't been by lately. I am glad I came back, your posts are always moving. Thank you for sharing. I don't know what to say, but I wish you well. Motherhood is hard and long and the love is amazing but it is hard sometimes. I hope you find the little rituals that help you through. Yoga and therapy are a must aren't they? When things go grey for me I use Bach flower remedies and rose bubble bath. Subtle, but by taking action of intent to help myself I do find a foothold. Take care and thank you for sharing your hard stuff along with the beauty. =)