God is the madwoman in the attic.
I'm camped out on the threshold with my journal, camera, and plenty of snacks.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

gentleness, a clumsy kind of grace

Gentleness is a different kind of effort for me. Not the striving challenge of holding a yoga pose as sweat drips in my eyes - but slow melting of breathing and releasing myself to gravity's hold. I know how to strive and how to distract myself against what needs striving. But melt and release are new invitations.

Here are some of the ways that I am learning gentleness with myself ~
light fun reading
comfort food
coffee shop dates with Little N
soft comfy clothes
tea at the beach with my best friend
a couple of personal days off from work to stay and play with my family
a warm bath - Little N was so awed by this he kept bursting in to say "Mommy's bath!"
easy strolls to the library or the park on my lunch break
gentle gentle yoga and stretching

I am clumsy at this. My yoga DVD reminds me "it's not all effort" "set your foundation and open yourself to grace, it flows through you."

Little N remains my bright guide in all of this. I am learning to treat myself as an extension of him - to parent myself with the same compassion and permission that I do him. There's something about being his mother that is good gravity for me. And there's something in yielding to that that is loosing grace to flow through me, through how I tend me, and how I engage with the daily life I am living.

Right now it's still so clumsy and inconsistent - but maybe that's the best way for me to see it at all. And I am grateful to see some grace, feel some gentleness for myself.

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